?

Log in

Previous Entry | Next Entry

My grandmother passed away late last night. They knew she was not going to make it home to die and so she decided to sign up for hospice care at the hospital. They had been lowering her oxygen over the past few days, and they had just started her on the morphine drip the morning she passed. No one expected for her to go that soon. But it was peaceful. She just drifted off to sleep and didn't wake up.

I feel numb right now. I haven't been able to cry yet. I just get super emotional and start almost hyperventilating, but there's no release. No wave of tears to provide relief. It's an awful feeling. She lived a long and mostly happy life, filled with love and hope and above all else, deep, unwavering faith in something bigger then herself (there are so many good stories from this week that made me a believer too). I can't help but feel like a world without her in it isn't a place I want to live in. Because I am surrounded by cynics and she was the only optimist in my life. It's going to suck without her and damn it, if I don't fucking cry soon I think I might scream.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
morbidmuse
Feb. 2nd, 2013 08:24 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll keep your family in my prayers tonight. ♥
angeldylan628
Feb. 3rd, 2013 04:55 am (UTC)
Thank you, sweetie!
morbidmuse
Feb. 2nd, 2013 08:25 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll keep your family in my prayers tonight. ♥
(Deleted comment)
angeldylan628
Feb. 3rd, 2013 04:55 am (UTC)
*hugs back* Thank you, dear!
fadingfreckles
Feb. 3rd, 2013 08:19 am (UTC)
I am incredibly sorry for your loss! If you ever need to talk about anything, just let me know. I'll send you my email, or skype username or something! *big hug*
angeldylan628
Feb. 4th, 2013 04:47 am (UTC)
*big hug back* Thank you, dearie!
(Deleted comment)
angeldylan628
Feb. 4th, 2013 04:50 am (UTC)
Thank you, sweetie! She really did touch so many lives and its so strange how even though she's gone I still see her everywhere - in the little things that my family or I do...it just boggles my mind.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

Profile

Sherlock BBC
angeldylan628
angeldylan628

Latest Month

October 2013
S M T W T F S
  12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  

Tags

Powered by LiveJournal.com